Kicked in the Balls

How do you draw an audience to ESPN’s fledgling SoccerNet?  How about this headline:

Cops Question Ronaldo Regarding Transvestites

Do you think the cops asked him if he used his hands?

Are they wearing uniforms or peapods?

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the world’s most squeezeable soccer team.  The impeccably named all Dwarf Giants of the North are taking Brazilian football by storm (or maybe by sprinkle)!  Note that they are not wearing shinguards.  That’s because midgets don’t have shins (evolution).  They also don’t have nipples or belly buttons (because they’re egglayers), but you already knew that.

Anyway, I am petitioning to replace the head coach of this team– I don’t agree with some of his position choices.  Especially his decision to insert Bashful as goalie.  Doc could play goal– maybe even Sneezy.  But not Bashful.

True Metgets know, I would like to thank the less than cuddly Mark Simon for the pic.